The Heaviness Engulfs Me

A heavy heart tonight. I won't go into details, just suffice it to say that I am grieving. I was led to a passage of Scripture when I got home that so fits whats going on. My faith has never been tested as now. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I don't know what next week or beyond holds. But I do know that God holds it all in His Sovereign hand.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ...Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I'm ready to rejoice, without having to look over my shoulder.

I will confess - I am questioning everything in my life right now.  Ok, maybe not everything - as I don't have any doubts about my love for my incredibly patient and loving wife, Diana, or my love for my precious gifts from God - Anna and Selah. One other thing that I have absolutely no doubt about is my Savior's love for me. That being said - I am doubting pretty much each and every other part of my life. In the words of Thomas Payne in his epic The Crisis, penned in December 1776: "These are the times that try men's souls."

Another fact that I have no doubt about - is that there is a very real spiritual war going on, particularly in my own context. A war that has left me bruised and beaten, and near defeat. I have spoken both privately and publicly from the pulpit of "putting on the whole Armor of God". Boy are those far easier words to say, than instructions to actually follow! Yet it seems that my best efforts to "put on" this armor simply lead to more fights.  Further - there are "fiery darts" that are finding flesh in the "cracks" between the armor. It's my fault - I don't spend enough time with the "Sword of the Spirit - the Word of God".  I struggle with personal righteousness. The command to "pray at all times in the Spirit" sometimes gets shorted on the "all" part. And to be totally honest, I'm reaching and searching for the "peace" associated with the shoes related to the Gospel...

Indeed, in some ways - I am troubled down at the very deepest recesses of my heart and mind. Have some of Satan's darts not just found flesh, but found innermost parts?

Discouragement leading to despair is before me. But I just cannot look back. Jesus said to look back is to be unworthy of the Kingdom...

I am weak. I am broken. I'm not just far from perfect, I am at the bottom of the bottom. Yet the harder I try to climb up - the farther it seems I fall.

I now better understand what Romans 8:26 means... as my prayers seem to be so very lacking and insignificant. in fact, James 5:16 is causing me quite a bit of grief right now "...the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." I feel neither particularly righteous nor do my prayers seem very effective these days.

I'm a great finger-pointer, yet I am reminded of the wise words I first heard from a dear friend who is already waiting for us in Heaven, "remember - when you point your finger at others, there are at least three fingers pointing back at you."

But all the finger pointing in the world, even if justified, does not take away my own responsibility for my failures and shortcomings (even when I'm unaware of them).

Something has to change. I'm not demanding that God "do something" - I am fairly certain He is "doing something", whether I see it or not. But something in my life is gong to have to change.

I am trying desperately to heed the words of Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

     and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

     and He will make straight your paths.

Maybe (no - actually), the key is in the next two verses:

Be not wise in your own eyes;

     fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh

     and refreshment to your bones.

I try to not think to highly of myself. In fact, another thing I have no doubt about - is my weakness and unworthiness. I try to combat evil in my life - seeking those things that are glorious to God and edifying to those around me.  Refreshment and healing?  Please...

I want to cry out to God the words of David in Psalm 51:

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

     and uphold me with a willing spirit...

But instead, I again feel more like the difficulty in prayer of Romans 8:26 - and I'm in need of the Spirit Himself interceding for me...

And any prayers the reader of this feels led to offer up - thank you.

Immediacy and This Ugly World

What would we do without the internet, without Facebook and Twitter, and the access to the near real-time atrocities happening around the world?

As I have seen several videos posted/reposted the last few days that are apparently videos of the implementation of Sharia law in some of those Islamic countries (or those being taken over by Islamic/Sharia rule). Women "arrested" on the spot, "tried" on the spot by heavily armed/scarf-over-face cowards, and executed right on the public street, sometimes supposedly for little more than not having her face covered (I cannot translate Arabic, so cannot verify), or for being seen in public without her husband... or for simply TALKING in public...

Which mirrors the all-too-common public executions that the Taliban were notorious for in Afghanistan (and elsewhere) when a woman is raped by a gang of thugs, but she is the one "tried" and executed for "adultery"...

Or even cases her in the US, where the Muslim husband beats and/or murders his wife out of "honor"...

But how much different is that from our own policies, laws, and court decisions that make it perfectly legal to dismember an unborn child in his mother's womb, all based on the "inconvenience" or "my body" defense? And the efforts to fight it, but seeming to always have the "exception", making it just fine and "different" to execute a baby because his father committed rape.

The face of Satan has likely never been clearer, or more easily broadcast than today.  And it serves not Satan's plans in my life, but God's - as it makes me long ever so much more for Christ's inevitable return.  Come Sweet Jesus!

But until that glorious day of His appearing comes - let us run the race, let us fight the good fight, let us tell others about the saving power of Jesus.

Religion of Peace?

I am truly sick of the efforts to put a peaceful facade on Islam, much connected to comparing to "Christianity". Lets go to the foundation of these two religions and see where the truth is:

Islam, founded on the Koran (Quran).

Christianity, based on the Bible.

The Koran reads, from earliest to latest, as a growing hate screed towards all who are not followers of "the prophet Mohammed" and his version of "god", named Allah. As you progress through the Koran, what you find is wholesale endorsement of deceiving, lying to, imprisonment, enslavement, taxation of, and finally the murder of any who are not believers in Mohammed's cult (infidels). The Koran, for all practical purposes, teaches that one must actually practice hate not only to prove one's faith, but as a means to eternal reward.

The Bible begins early with violence (but not endorsed hatred - and with a very specific, time-limited purpose), then a progression to the words of the Chief Cornerstone, Jesus Christ - when He reminds us to "love your neighbors", pray for those who hate you, be a light, care for others. Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who took on our sins to bring us forgiveness and purchase our eternal reward for us.

Jesus never endorsed or even suggested violence for the sake of spreading the faith or punishing non-believers. Mohammed and the Koran not only suggest such acts, but actually commands conversion at the sword.

Have people committed atrocities in the name of "Christianity"? Most certainly. Yet finding any Biblical basis for those actions is impossible.

People commit atrocities daily (and have since the founding of the religion) in the name of Islam, at the direct instruction of the Koran.

Are their beliebers in Islam who love and desire peace? I believe so. But in doing so, they either want peace because Islam has overtaken the world, or they are ignoring vast swaths of their own founding book.

Contrary to the behavior of some professing Christianity, the Bible does not teach or endorse hate for anyone (in fact, Jesus essentially stated that to hate your brother/neighbor is equal to committing murder in your heart).

I pray daily for those who follow the cult of Mohammed - that the Lord God will open their eyes and deliver them from the cult that fare more resembles Satan than God.