Hard-Learned Advice for the Prospective Young Pastor*

When I went through the Teacher Education program at the University of Central Arkansas (Instrumental Music Education), I was convinced that - upon graduation, I was fully equipped and "ready" to take on the world. After all, I had a mind filled with knowledge, advice from those who had "been there", and a whole semester of pretend teaching (aka - Student Teaching). I had passed the Test (newly renamed the Praxis Testing). I was A Teacher!

Then I entered the real world, where all the knowledge I thought I had garnered was only a tiny bit of what I needed to know. I entered blindsided, beaten, and bruised. It took about 5 years in the band room to finally begin to even pretend reasonably that I had a clue.

So it should not have been a surprise to find that, upon the irresistible (and boy did I try!) call of God to enter pastoral ministry, I would again find myself in the familiar, unfamiliar world of eye-opening misadventure and bruising. While many lessons learned in 14 years of public school band directing has been a great toolbox to draw from, I find myself still in awe of how totally unqualified I often feel, and how broken my heart often is. I was given very little guidance as to the "real world" life of pastoral ministry, even in my otherwise hugely beneficial Seminary work. As a relatively short-term "veteran" of the pastoral ministry pulpit, I offer up the following words of wisdom/advice to the budding "young" (either in age, or to the call itself) pastor.

1. If you can do ANYTHING else other than pastoral ministry - then do THAT! I Heard this sage advice at some point after I began my first pastorate. Too late to benefit me and my own ministry, but not too late for many others who may follow. The long-and-short: If the Lord will allow you peace with the decision to pursue a secular career, avoiding pastoral ministry altogether, then you might rightfully guess that you are not called to pastoral ministry. Pastoral ministry WILL beat you up. Pastoral ministry WILL break your heart. There is a very solid reason that the "job" among the most honorable among all (according to the Bible), is high on the ranks of those jobs filled by men with depression. So - if you are able to walk away from the perceived "call", then do. If you are genuinely called to this avenue - God will not let you have rest.

2. Do NOT try to be a friend to the church members in your care. This is not as sad as it sounds. You should indeed love the sheep as Jesus loves them. But just as I learned early-on in the public school classroom, if you are their "friend", it grows much harder to speak to accountability and discipline. Further, these kinds of friendships rarely turn out well (I can count on one hand the number that I have experienced myself, or have heard other pastors reflect on, that have been long-term positives). Love them. Care for them, but do not befriend them unless you are prepared to be hurt in ways you never thought possible.

3. Don't try this at home. Or better - do everything you can to isolate your pastoral ministry from your family. Protect your family. The unfortunate reality is - pastor's wives (and even children) are often saddled with not only unreasonable expectations, but undo and unfair scrutiny and pressures. As a pastor, you will be called on to advise adults to leave their work AT WORK, so that it does not become a divisive stumbling block in their family - listen to that advice yourself!  Love your wife and children. Be the spiritual head of your household. But do not allow the pressures of pastoral ministry attack your family. Leave them at the church office/behind the pulpit. Love your family, protect your family.

4. NEVER skimp on your time with the Lord. The book of Acts (chapter 6) begins with the calling out of 7 deacons to help take care of the issues, fires, and service needed in that early church - why?  So the pastors/elders could devote themselves to prayer and the "ministry of the Word". As a pastor, you must constantly be filling yourself with the Word of God - both for your own protection, edification, and preparation - just as we try to communicate to our church members, but also (and vitally important to the man trying to serve as an "undershepherd") to being a faithful "Minister of the Word". And when you reflect back on some of the other points of advice prior to this entry, and those following, prayer and the Word of God will help sustain you when you encounter the many tribulations, trials, and temptations that will most certainly come.

5. Find a brother in the ministry, not of your own congregation, who is willing to serve to hold you accountable and for moral support. We can easily forget that the one person in a local church who has no pastor, is the pastor! Yet we are human. We need someone to help us to stay accountable, to lift us up when we are beaten, and to hold our spiritual hand in prayer as we struggle. Remember the truth of the saying "no man is an island".

6. Watch for knives! Its a shame that those called to ministry are not given the miraculous gift of x-ray vision. Be prepared, keep your eyes open, for there will be those who will pat you on the back, give you a great big hug, then plunge a huge knife into your back as soon as you let your guard down. The most likely to do this are not the anti-church people who are openly rebelling against God outside the church, but by those who have been entrusted to your care. The knives will sometimes begin as odd comments, or maybe secretive "behind-closed-doors" meetings that you won't know about until after (if ever). Some people just do not like to hear stuff like Hebrews 13:17 that says to "Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you."

Any time there is someone in authority, there will be those (even some with good intentions) who will despite chastisement, who will not appreciate sincere efforts to lead, and who will want it "their way". It is the reality of ministry. 

7. Preach discipline, but don't expect the church to exercise it willingly. Church discipline as outlined by Jesus, and detailed by the Apostle Paul is really pretty easy to preach and teach on, but is one of the most rejected/ignored concepts in most churches. There is always an excuse. There is always an extenuating circumstance. Someone will not want to hurt a friend or family member's feelings. The Lord wouldn't include clear instructions on the matter, if it were not important! But go in with your eyes open, knowing that there will be huge resistance to discipline.

8. If you are called by a church or denominational work to lead a congregation (especially a very small one) that has been through incredible turmoil and upheaval - think long, and pray harder. How often have we heard the story of a young lady marrying a fellow with the grand and almost altruistic goal of "I thought I could change him"? Very rare is the church that goes through massive turmoil or trouble that the blow up and/or split came out of the blue and was based on nothing. There are reasons that build up to such trouble. Splits rarely actually address the issue. Further, any pastor entering behind such a painful event in a church's history (particularly a young and/or inexperienced pastor) will be put in a nearly no-win situation (nothing is impossible with Christ, don't get me wrong). But starting out in such a position is a significant opportunity to derail and discourage a ministry before it even gets fully launched. It takes a truly gifted person, with a very specific and specialized set of gifts to be able to successfully minister in such situations.

9. Don't "major in the minors". While one can rightly say that 100% of God's Word is important, it gets really easy to be bogged down personally with matters of doctrine, theology, and Christian faith that ultimately detract us from the Gospel and from the genuine "Majors" of the faith. It is easy to get tangled in everything from eschatology (theology of the end times) to the temperature the thermostats are set on. Don't allow the relatively "little" things overcome the most important aspects of doing ministry. Save the hair=splitting details for discussion in spiritually mature contexts. Always speak the truth. Never compromise. But don't get bogged down to the point where you lose the whole focus of the Word of God. 

10. Know that there will be "tares" among the wheat. (Matthew 13:24-30). The sad truth is - there will be unredeemed people who are "members" of any church. It is inevitable. They will sometimes be evident by a lack of any measurable spiritual growth, while at other times their presence will be made keenly obvious by their defiance, disobedience to God's Word, selective acceptance of scripture, an through their own offense at the Word being proclaimed. These will often be chief among troublemakers and is a reminder of why Church Discipline is important - and why we must regularly, boldly, and faithfully:

11. Proclaim the Gospel! Charles Spurgeon once said (paraphrased) that with any Biblical text he would preach, he would start at the text and preach to the cross. All of Scripture, in some way, points to Christ. All of scripture fits into the great Gospel plan of redemption God laid out before the foundation of the world. The Gospel message is timeless, powerful, and the center of all the rest of our purpose, goals, and mission as a local church.

12. There is no "perfect church" - Churches are made up of human beings, with all the failings, issues, troubles, and concerns that come with this sinful flesh. The hope and prayer is that most will be born-again, and in the process of becoming more Christ-like. But in the meantime, remember - if there were a "perfect church", none of us would be qualified to lead it, myself least qualified of all!

Know that - when you are betrayed (not if), that Jesus was betrayed. Know that, when your heart is broken, Jesus wept over Jerusalem... Know that you will be tempted and tried (Remember Jesus). But also cling to the truth that, if Jesus has called you to pastoral ministry, He is there with you. Just be faithful, grow some thick skin, and be true to the Word.

* Garnered from years of service, church membership, and friendships with fellow laborers. No specific individuals where in-mind while writing this, though certainly were I to dwell on it, I could "name-names". But that serves no positive, God-glorifying purpose. I have chosen to forgive and to learn. And honestly, more than likely, even with this advice, you will (as I have time and again) fail to heed it - you will love the people you serve, and will make friends. You will be discouraged, you will be hurt and battered, but the Lord is faithful - and He will sustain you and carry you through. Stay true, run the race, and be faithful.

Defeated

Noun	1.	defeated - people who are defeated; "the Romans had no pity for the defeated"
Adj.	1.	defeated - beaten or overcome; not victorious; "the defeated enemy"
	2.	defeated - disappointingly unsuccessful; "disappointed expectations and thwarted ambitions"

It doesn't take much listening to preachers of today to hear said time and again we are to live "victorious" lives. The bit of truth to that concept is that we, through Christ, are given the victory over bondage to sin and to death. And we are to live lives that reflect that victory (another illustration of the light we are not to cover with a bushel basket).

But sadly, life is filled with defeats - As the definition above from Farlex's Free Dictionary reminds us - the term "defeated" can be both a noun and an adjective. It can also be an emotion.

I can honestly say that I have very rarely doubted, and never seriously doubted, my call to ministry. I can say without fear of contradiction that I have longed for another calling.  Why? mostly because of the emotion (and sometimes literal) defeat I have felt. Some is the result of what I can label as nothing less than pride, while at other times, the defeated feelings have come when, despite my best effort, most sincere prayers, and best of intentions, I have failed (at least in my own eyes).

How many people have I shared, or tried to share, the Gospel of Jesus Christ with, who have continued on without any sign of trusting the message? While I realize it is not Michael they are rejecting, but Jesus Christ - it is hard to hold on to that when the experience is so regular.

Or when I feel defeated because I find that I have not been dealt with honestly.

Or when I realize that I have genuinely failed - as a pastor, husband, or father (even if in but a relatively small way).

I feel defeated when I allow doubts to creep in.

I feel defeated when I allow emotions to overrule faith and what I know to be true.

I feel defeated when I believe I have "done it right, but see no results".

Is it unreasonable to feel defeated as a pastor, when you see little or no growth in the ministry? Is it unfair to characterize myself as having failed when the church I am serving in finds itself approaching the uncomfortable position of not being able to pay my salary?

Have I not defeated myself when I have led my family to rely upon a certain income level, to not be set up for family defeat with the prospects of a major salary cut and the need to find secular employment (I have absolutely nothing against bi-vocational ministry, but I also recognize the costs and special challenges involved - the subject of a whole other discussion to soon follow).

Is it wrong to feel defeated when it seems you are spinning your proverbial wheels, but getting little traction?

Is it improper to feel defeated when members your own flock are afraid or unwilling to share their issues with you, preferring to remain silent and allowing interpersonal troubles with others to fester and grow?

Is it out of line to feel defeat when you pour your heart and soul into trying to help, guide, and direct people to make better decisions - God-glorifying decisions, only to see them repeatedly reject or throw away those efforts?

Satan loves for the followers of Christ to feel defeated. In part because he knows that we are not ultimately and eternally defeated - so his only means of discouraging us, of derailing our ministry (whether vocational ministry or layman ministry) is by pushing us to live defeated lives.

The sad truth is - it is easy in the building up of my own little pity-party of defeat, that the joy of salvation grows dim. Its at times like this that I just have to cling to such passages as what King David wrote in Psalm 51:9-12

Hide your face from my sins,

and blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from your presence,

and take not your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

and uphold me with a willing spirit...

Or - as set to music by Mac Powell:

To my readers - I ask for your prayers as my family must address the realities set before us and seek God's plan and provision. I pray for peace and for the restoration of my heart and soul. I pray for genuine progress in ministry. I pray for clarity, vision, and strength. 

How to Discourage Your Pastor (Or Even Kill Your Church)

Jesus promised that the "gates of Hell" won't prevail against His church, but someone once opined "Satan couldn't beat the church, so he joined it". While this might be a bit melodramatic  it does sadly portray what has become of "church" in so many ways - whether it be the world coming in and turning the church into nothing but another display of the flesh, or if it is the more subtle, and I believe unintentional acts and words of otherwise well-intentioned people. One aspect of that is the harm done, both to pastors and leaders, and often to an entire church body by its own members. The bits below have been gleaned from personal experiences, adventures others have shared with me, and a handful of articles that have touched on the subject. 

A disclaimer - this post is not intended to point out any one individual, group, or church body, but to hopefully - by drawing attention to what many don't think about - edify local churches and ultimately to glorify God.

I. Don't Show Up! That's right - if you wan to to kill a church (or at least muffle the Spirit) and discourage the pastor, then just don't show up. This technique is one of the most used, and least recognized weapons against the church. There is a reasoning to the writer of Hebrews' words in Hebrews 10:25.  When we neglect the meeting together of the local body, we hurt ourselves and our fellow believers. Jesus created the church for many purposes, with the "Great Commission" being the most important and outward of those purposes, He also knew (knows) that believers need each other. They need the fellowship with other believers. We need the teaching, we need to proclamation of the Word, and we need each other. If we look at the First Century church as illustrated in the book of Acts, we see believers (remember - thousands of believers had been "added to the church") meeting together "daily" - in many ways and forms to help each other, to lift each other up, to walk through life together. They needed each other!  How arrogant for professed believers today to claim through their actions, if not words, that they don't need fellow believers!

II. Careless Words - This could come in the form of comparing your current pastor to previous pastors or to other preachers. This could come in the form of literal backbiting and rumor-spreading.  This could be demonstrated in emotional outbursts. We really cannot control how people take what we say, but we most certainly can think about what we say and how we say it. And let us not forget how the Bible (James) describes our tongues...
Interestingly enough, Jesus and the Apostles were well-known for speaking openly. Even John the Baptist used the phrase "brood of vipers" when talking to the Pharisees. Yet our words must always convey the grace of God. If your conversation immediately goes silent when someone else walks in the room, theres a good possibility the discussion was not edifying or God-glorifying. Which leads to:

III. Radio Silence - I have witnessed this both within and outside the local church. Some who have been open and willing to talk, who regularly have an encouraging word or cheerful conversation suddenly become uncharacteristically silent. Even those who may not be regular conversationalists will for whatever reason go silent. Often, this is the product of hurt feelings. Maybe it is due to #2 above (Careless words) they have received. Or maybe it is due to incorrect perceptions. Or just maybe there is a genuine issue that they are recoiling from. Regardless, I can find nowhere in scripture that would indicate that the right way to handle any of the above is through silence. Indeed, the New Testament is rich in instructions in dealing with brothers who have been hurt and/or wronged by another. Every step involves speaking to the offender to seek reconciliation and restoration. Radio Silence leaves hurts unhealed, raises further questions, often leads to innuendo and damaging assumptions, and never leads to God-glorifying restoration.

It is unfortunate that Radio Silence is often accompanied by a sudden commitment to #1 above. Church members, for whatever reason, chose to just go quiet and walk away from the local church. Never an explanation (or at least an open and honest disclosure), and often further complicating words and actions that discourage, divide, and destroy.

IV. Raw Emotions - Why is it that some of the most ungodly and ugly behavior I have ever witnessed has been carried out by "church members"? Emotions. We as the church are called together in a special, close, and very personal relationship. In the course of carrying out our duty to each other, we have to lay our hearts out on the line. That opens us up to a lot of "targets". More than once, a pastor has preached the God-given message, only to find a church  member so upset and even enraged that said preacher "picked them out to pick on". That member blows up, causes a scene, and divides congregations - all because of an out-of-control (and generally illogical) emotional reaction.

Or similarly, a brother or sister speaks a careless word or is perceived to have somehow wronged a brother. The reaction - a blow up of epic proportions, all as a knee-jerk, emotion-fueled outburst that again, divides and destroys.

V. Unreasonable Expectations - How many perfect people have ever walked the face of this earth? Other than our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the answer is ZERO. We all have shortcomings, weaknesses, flaws, and "issues" to deal with. We all are sinners who desperately need the Savior! As we mature in Christ, many of these shortcomings should become less prominent. But as long as we are flesh and blood beings, we will struggle. We will fail from time-to-time.

Among these human beings are pastors, teachers, and other leaders. Certainly the Bible holds these people to a high standard - with the Pastor answering directly to God Almighty for every word and action! But often these people are held to unreasonable expectations. We forget that pastors are humans too. We forget that he has a family, bills to pay, and his own Christian walk/race to run. Pastors are not angels, able to flit from home, to the church building, to hospitals, to parts unknown around the world to magically minister personally, and with all the right words, in each and every situation. Teachers have their own lives and situations to deal with, in addition to preparing to teach those in their charge - and again, with the most important curriculum in the world - the Word of God.

We as church members sometimes let other down. Yes, within the local body of believers, there should be an expectation that we will do our very best to fulfill our commitments and be people of our word. But again, we are human and will sometimes fall short.

I once hear told of a church that wanted to call a bi-vocational pastor. Among their expectations listed in the job description:
     - Seeking a bi-vocational pastor
     -A man with an Seminary Degree who spends several hours daily in study and preparation of the Word.
     - Has a wife who plays piano
     - Well behaved children
     - Will regularly visit the extensive list of shut-ins, invalids, those in nursing homes, and in the hospital.
     - Will keep the church building clean, and the grass mowed, flower beds clean and attractive.
     - Will teach Sunday School
     - Organize the Choir
     - Attend associational meetings
     - lead regular canvassing of neighborhoods
     - organize Vacation Bible School
     - keep his home (or church parsonage) up so church members can drop in at any time.
     - keep regular office hours
     - preach two services on Sunday, and one on Wednesday
     - Pay is $100 per week

And all of this does not include the unwritten and unstated (but just as expected) abilities and actions!

While the above may sound improbable, such has been the expectation of many a pastor! But what really hurts is that many of the expectations are not stated at all, yet church members engage in many of the numbers above when said pastor (or other church member) fails to meet those expectations.

VI. Complain - in contrast to those who go "radio silent", shutting others out, others are what one of my seminary professors referred to as "Joy Suckers". A Joy Sucker is the person who has a knack for finding the negative in every situation. In all things, they seek and actively highlight everything bad (even if it is only in their perception). 

Some find every possible flaw to whine about with the pastor: he preaches too long, he preaches to loud (or quiet), he is more of a teacher - not a preacher, he sweats too much, his suit isn't pressed, his wife didn't talk to me, his children are too loud, he didn't come see me when I stubbed my toe...  My personal favorite: "why didn't you go visit _________ in the hospital?" (all while having never been informed that _______ was even IN the hospital or even was sick!).

But it isn't just the pastor who is the target of those who are Joy Suckers - Sunday School teachers receive a lot of the same condemnation.  The sanctuary or classroom is always too hot or too cold. A bit of painting needs done or carpet laid, and the color is never right. Too much (or too little) emphasis is placed on kids or youth. The music is too loud (or simply "I don't like that music"). Joy suckers find every way possible to quite literally suck the joy out of each and every aspect of life, and sadly - most don't even realize what they are doing!

Remember, if there is something genuinely wrong, there is a biblical course of action to take.

VII. Turn a Blind Eye - in contrast to those who live life as a malcontent Joy Sucker, is the church member or even church body that turns a blind eye. The Apostle Paul wrote repeatedly of sin within the church that was going unaddressed. Adultery, selfishness, pride, sexual sin/fornication, and even incest had reared their ugly heads. Add to this the false doctrines and theologies that were coming in, and we see a recipe for disaster.

Scripture indicates that judgment must begin within the church. The church is called out to show the world there is a better way, a way which is pleasing to God. A way of genuine joy, changed lives, and righteousness that satisfies much better than the world can. When those within the church look more like that outside the church than they look like Jesus, we have a problem. But remember, accountability does not mean we are suppose to condemn. Accountability is about love. About desiring better, God-pleasing lives for our brethren. But that also means we have to speak the truth (in love).

VIII. Lie - few things will destroy, discourage, and divide like lies will. This is an awfully old problem. Satan is described as the father of lies (John 8:44). When we say we do not sin, we too are liars (1 John 1:5-10). How do people within the church lie?

One of the most common way is by not sharing their burdens. A brother or sisters asks if they are ok, if there is anything they can help them with or pray about - and the answer is "no - we are doing fine". It is a rare thing for a Christian to have it "all together". We all face daily struggles. Most of us deal with far larger trials and obstacles that should lead us to welcome any prayers we can get! Further, often our burdens could be made lighter were we to simply allow others to help us with them.

Still other lies are far more nefarious - like when a church member says one thing to the pastor, and a completely different story/version to other church members. Or when a church member deals dishonestly with another (business transaction, loan of money or materials, or making commitments there was no real intention to keep).

Many churches, especially those of Baptist lineage, hold to a "Church Covenant" much like this:

Or as some churches have chosen, a "Membership Agreement", which fulfills the same basic purpose as a Covenant - to give a point of commitment by members to the local church and to each other for accountability, service, spiritual growth, and provision for the church. Yet how many members don't every take said covenant or agreement seriously? Is it a lie when a church member doesn't make an effort to uphold what they have said they would do? Is it a lie if they act contrary to said commitment?

If you want to damage a church, then choose to ignore your commitment to each other and the Lord. Deal dishonesty with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Refuse to allow others to share your burdens. Tell everyone you are "doing fine" when you really do need some encouragement, help, or prayers. Pat your pastor on the back and tell him how great the sermon was, while complaining to other how awful your pastor is.

IX. Bickering - One of the big discouraging activities sometimes found in churches is bickering, usually connected to personality conflicts. This is amazing, considering how the New Testament portrays what a right-relationship within the local church looks like. Unfortunately, bickering is often the product of selfishness and pride. Personal preferences/comfort (connected to THIS post) trump what is best for the body. It is a crying shame when brother turns against brother, usually over the smallest, most insignificant blip on the radar of life. And it brings down everyone around them.

X. Just Go Away - One of the most undermining of all way s to kill a church and discourage you pastor is to just disappear. One Sunday, you are there, participating - the next, where did brother ___________ go?  When asked, be sure to tell different people different reasons, so that none have the whole picture. Particularly helpful in dividing and discouraging the church is when you say you will return, but never do. If there was a real reason for your withdrawal, and that situation is rectified in a God-glorifying way, then why remain withdrawn from fellowship?

Yes, indeed - Satan is always on the prowl. As the author of lies and deception, he inserts himself even within the walls of churches, seeking how he can use our weakness to derail the work of God. When Christians are constantly seeking the Lord, humbling themselves to serve one-another, love each other in such a way that personal preferences take a back seat to the will of God, and when the Glory of God is most important, then Satan has a hard time gaining a foothold. 

In contrast, when our "self" rises in importance, we give Satan just the crack he needs to come in and begin his pattern of destruction and discouragement. Once he is allowed a foothold, it rapidly grows more difficult to kick him out.

The question then becomes - are we willing to put all aside for the glory of God and the furtherance of the Gospel? Or are we content just plugging along, ignoring problems until the damage is done?

Will we let our own actions become stumbling blocks to others? Will we ignore the reality that when we do any of the above 10 actions, we do damage not only to the church, but to the leadership God places before us, and to our own walk with the Lord.