The Heaviness Engulfs Me

A heavy heart tonight. I won't go into details, just suffice it to say that I am grieving. I was led to a passage of Scripture when I got home that so fits whats going on. My faith has never been tested as now. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I don't know what next week or beyond holds. But I do know that God holds it all in His Sovereign hand.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith - more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire - may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ...Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

I'm ready to rejoice, without having to look over my shoulder.

I will confess - I am questioning everything in my life right now.  Ok, maybe not everything - as I don't have any doubts about my love for my incredibly patient and loving wife, Diana, or my love for my precious gifts from God - Anna and Selah. One other thing that I have absolutely no doubt about is my Savior's love for me. That being said - I am doubting pretty much each and every other part of my life. In the words of Thomas Payne in his epic The Crisis, penned in December 1776: "These are the times that try men's souls."

Another fact that I have no doubt about - is that there is a very real spiritual war going on, particularly in my own context. A war that has left me bruised and beaten, and near defeat. I have spoken both privately and publicly from the pulpit of "putting on the whole Armor of God". Boy are those far easier words to say, than instructions to actually follow! Yet it seems that my best efforts to "put on" this armor simply lead to more fights.  Further - there are "fiery darts" that are finding flesh in the "cracks" between the armor. It's my fault - I don't spend enough time with the "Sword of the Spirit - the Word of God".  I struggle with personal righteousness. The command to "pray at all times in the Spirit" sometimes gets shorted on the "all" part. And to be totally honest, I'm reaching and searching for the "peace" associated with the shoes related to the Gospel...

Indeed, in some ways - I am troubled down at the very deepest recesses of my heart and mind. Have some of Satan's darts not just found flesh, but found innermost parts?

Discouragement leading to despair is before me. But I just cannot look back. Jesus said to look back is to be unworthy of the Kingdom...

I am weak. I am broken. I'm not just far from perfect, I am at the bottom of the bottom. Yet the harder I try to climb up - the farther it seems I fall.

I now better understand what Romans 8:26 means... as my prayers seem to be so very lacking and insignificant. in fact, James 5:16 is causing me quite a bit of grief right now "...the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." I feel neither particularly righteous nor do my prayers seem very effective these days.

I'm a great finger-pointer, yet I am reminded of the wise words I first heard from a dear friend who is already waiting for us in Heaven, "remember - when you point your finger at others, there are at least three fingers pointing back at you."

But all the finger pointing in the world, even if justified, does not take away my own responsibility for my failures and shortcomings (even when I'm unaware of them).

Something has to change. I'm not demanding that God "do something" - I am fairly certain He is "doing something", whether I see it or not. But something in my life is gong to have to change.

I am trying desperately to heed the words of Proverbs 3:5-6:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

     and do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

     and He will make straight your paths.

Maybe (no - actually), the key is in the next two verses:

Be not wise in your own eyes;

     fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

It will be healing to your flesh

     and refreshment to your bones.

I try to not think to highly of myself. In fact, another thing I have no doubt about - is my weakness and unworthiness. I try to combat evil in my life - seeking those things that are glorious to God and edifying to those around me.  Refreshment and healing?  Please...

I want to cry out to God the words of David in Psalm 51:

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,

     and uphold me with a willing spirit...

But instead, I again feel more like the difficulty in prayer of Romans 8:26 - and I'm in need of the Spirit Himself interceding for me...

And any prayers the reader of this feels led to offer up - thank you.

Where You There?

Jesus was preached...
                               ...were you there?

The Word of God Proclaimed...
                              ...were you there?

God was glorified...
                              ...were you there?

The Holy Spirit was present...
                              ...were you there?

Someone needed to hear your encouragement...
                              ...were you there?

Someone needed a hug...
                              ...were you there?

A young preacher poured his heart out...
                              ...were you there?

A broken heart was mended...
                              ...were you there?

The Lord spoke...
                              ...were you there?

In local churches, brothers and sisters in Christ assembled, sung songs and hymns of praise (Ephesians 5:19),  the Gospel was proclaimed (Acts 15:35), and many who profess the name of Christ were absent.

In a church somewhere - those assembled rejoiced as another soul came to saving faith...

In a local church, a life was changed...

Maybe in YOUR church...
                              ...were you there?

Missing In Action

This post is going to reflect my heart - and unfortunately, in large part - my fleshly heart. My heart aches tonight. After what I believe was a great Sunday School lesson that dealt with idols in our lives, a spirit-led message this morning that was an incredible encouragement to me (the preacher!) about the Authority and Power we have to fulfill Christ's commands and to walk in His ways... And after speaking from Titus 1:4-9 in this evening's service with a joyful heart...

My heart aches because there were huge holes in our congregation. Some because of personal situations, some because they were "busy", some - well, who knows how it goes. My heart aches, not for me personally - though I will freely admit that I do often (usually illogically take it personally), but because of the missed opportunities - opportunities for those missing to assemble together to worship the Lord - to whom we owe so much and can never repay. Opportunities to fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ - both to receive encouragement, and also to lift up others who look forward to that fellowship. They missed an opportunity for personal spiritual growth. They missed the blessing of lifting up their voice in corporate worship.

Our lives are filled with choices - choices that will either reflect your relationship with Christ, or will betray your broken relationship with everything else. While the choice to "attend church" is, ultimately, personal - there is a reason the writer of Hebrews recorded the words:

"not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another,

and all the more as you see the Day drawing near."

I suppose I am an anomaly when it comes to church. Some might chalk it up to being "the pastor" - after all "I have to go to church"...  though it doesn't work that way.  I don't just look forward to "going to church", I get great joy BEING the church - walking with my brothers and sisters in the faith.  I crave the fellowship.  I desire the sharpening.  I want to help others, as I myself am lifted up by others.  I feel empty if I miss the assembly with my local church.  But it hasn't always been that way.  When I first trusted Christ, I wanted to be "at church" every time the doors were opened.  But as time went on, and the "new" wore off, my zeal for church attendance began to wane.  

But - it all sunk in - I had the wrong attitude about church.  It wasn't about "going to church", it is about BEING the church - our relationship to each other as we look to God.  Over time, the joy grew in simply being with fellow Christians.  The words of Christ when He said "love the brethren" began to really come alive.  Romans 12:9-13 suddenly gained new life and traction in my heart:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

I honestly can say - I love every one of my brothers and sisters in Christ - with a particular love for those who among the flock God has entrusted into my care. Indeed - I don't just enjoy being in the company of my church family. I don't just look forward to singing with them... I need them.  I need the experience of being with my other family.  I believe that we all benefit from the time together. 

And to be honest - while the person who is absent misses opportunities - those "left behind" also suffer.  For some, it is simply missing someone they care about. For others, it is a genuine discouragement.  And possibly most troubling of all, voluntary absence can become a stumbling block to those already struggling with their relationship with the Lord.

Looking back to those early days of my faith - when the "new" began to wear off - it was the faithfulness of those who, despite challenges and personal troubles, still placed the assembling together as a priority in their lives - that helped to mold my heart and helped me value the opportunities to come together.

Far too often, we don't look at "church membership" through the right lens.  Church doesn't exist for the purpose of satisfying our fleshly desires.  Church exists to glorify God - to fulfill Christ's command to make disciples.  The local church exists to edify, exhort, teach, lead, hold each other accountable, and to live life - together.  In fact, this is the core principal behind the motto/byline of Clinton Missionary Baptist Church:

Grace - Faith - LIFE!

Hate or Love?

It is past-time for those who call themselves "Christians".  Jesus warned those dabbled in following Him of the cost---  

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:57-62 ESV)

He also made it clear that those that did follow would be hated for His name's sake. 

The Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians a couple of important truths we will need to remember:

For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks seek wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. (1 Corinthians 1:18-25 ESV)

The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one. (1 Corinthians 2:14, 15 ESV)

What we see in this is that the truth if the Word of God, and in particular- the Gospel- will be opposed by those who "are perishing", that us -those who are who are spiritually lost.  

Further, if the Word of God is objectionable (this includes the inconvenient parts that some want to conveniently ignore or brush away with moral relativism), it is because you are missing the Holy Spirit who is promised to all born-again believers/disciples/followers of Christ.  Don't let the word of discouragement or name calling distract you from the truth - that sharing the Truth of God's Word, warning others of the destruction they are barreling towards - is a sincere act of love, not hate!

We cannot take the opposition (or flat-out hate from those accusing us of hate) personally, because it is God and His Word they hate and reject. It's then we must discern if we are casting "pearls before swine" (Matthew 7:6).  At that point, all that's left is to pray for them. But never give up standing for the truth!

Either way - STAND.  Are you ashamed of the Gospel?  Acts 20:27 - don't shrink from proclaiming the whole counsel of God!

If the local church you are connected to compromises the Word of God - "shrinking" from the inconvenient parts of the Word, and they will not repent - it is time to find a church that refuses to compromise.

And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.  Joshua 24:15